Sometimes I’ve just had the fuck enough…

Seriously.. this is starting to get to me.

I am sick and tired of the pain and I am not pleased about my alternatives:
* Take the drugs and end up doing things that I only have vague recollections about. (This has come to bite me in the ass 3 times now in the past week!)
* Stay up until ungodly hours in hopes that I hit the brick wall where I’m so tired it doesn’t matter that the pain is there anymore, I’ll just crash through it.

To add insult to injury, tonight we noticed that there might be a higher than likely chance I will have to consider my immunosuppressant options. My left index finger is starting to tingle, and not in a good way.

Add to that: my stumbling/clumsiness/difficulty keeping a grip on things handheld, my increased pain, return of the unexplainable fevers, the muscle spasming and the inability to keep food down again even though I’m on the Domperidone and not only that but the inside of my mouth is all cut up from eating hard foods like popcorn, dry cereal, croutons, etc…

When The Hubbs is starting to notice things and says that he doesn’t want me to spend yet another Christmas in the hospital, you know things aren’t looking good.

I’m tired… so tired…

I’m starting to hate SALLY again and am more than likely venturing down that black hole I shouldn’t be visiting.

*…Those drugs are starting to look mighty fine…*

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8 thoughts on “Sometimes I’ve just had the fuck enough…

      1. I might maybe have taken some drugs and be sitting up enjoying a little pain-free buzz, watching Frasier on DVD, and playing Scrabble on Facebook.
        Maybe. :)

      2. TeaseMeGirl

        LOL I see…
        So your current condition probably ranks how I was last night… only I don’t remember 90% of what I said and/or did after my drugs ;)
        Are you doing alright?

      3. For some reason, your asking if I was doing alright made me sniffly. I guess I just don’t know anyone who understands how crappy I feel and…oh, I can’t express it, I’m too tired. And whiny.
        I hope you’re doing okay, too…*big hug*

      4. TeaseMeGirl

        Awwwww.. I didn’t mean to make you all snuffly!
        I don’t know all the details of your latest mishap with feeling shitty, but I do hope you’re feeling better… either that or enjoying the drugs ;)
        I hope you have a better weekend!
        *hugs!*

  1. :/ It sucks that even after all the developments we’ve had, drugs still don’t fix anything without fucking up 10 others.
    Is there anything you find that eases your pain without drugs? I mean like, nicer weather or something external like that?

    1. TeaseMeGirl

      Well to be honest, not very well.
      A hot bath/shower will sometimes take care of things, but that’s generally only temporary and only if I make it hot enough to scald.
      People keep trying to convince me that “meditation” (choose your fave term) would do wonders for me, but maybe I’m just too weak for that sort of thing because I don’t feel like dwelling on the “source of my pain” and I don’t want to take the time to “learn how to imagine the pain away” cuz really, when the pain comes. IT COMES and I just want the pain to go away NOW.
      I know that different weather (ie: Montreal or Los Angeles) definitely makes me feel better; but whether that’s because of a change of scenery or actual change in location/altitude/humidity/etc makes things better, that I don’t know. I don’t exactly have the means to experiment with that theory ^_-

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