Desperate for sleep.. can’t do it.

I am so beyond desperate for quality sleep that it’s not even funny anymore.

If it’s not pain that keeps me up at night, it’s my brain on painkillers.

If it’s not my brain on painkillers that keeps me up, it’s just my brain that doesn’t want to go to sleep because it seems to think that it’s a waste of time.

If it’s not my brain thinking it’s a waste of time, it’s my brain worrying about shit.


Sleep aids aren’t helping me sleep. Hot baths don’t help me sleep. Pain killers for sure aren’t helping me sleep. Anti-anxiety meds sure as hell aren’t helping me sleep. And God help me, Sahmy sure isn’t helping me sleep when she’s decided to bed down on my chest for the night. (That last one doesn’t bother me so much, it’s just a part of the running tally I have going on.)


Family Doc better have some tricks up his sleeve when I see him at the end of the month… at this rate, I don’t even know if I can last that long.


4 thoughts on “Desperate for sleep.. can’t do it.

  1. Are you allowed to take melatonin with your painkillers and all? I’ve taken it with my oxycontin and never had issues…but my dosage is fairly low. It might not hurt to try…it’s the hormone that triggers sleep in your brain, and it’s supposed to help you fall and stay asleep.
    My sleep has been spotty at best so I feel really bad for you…it’s a vicious cycle because you feel worse when you can’t sleep…then you can’t sleep because you feel crappy…etc etc.

    1. TeaseMeGirl

      Yea, I have a bottle of melatonin sitting on my desk here. It’s not done a lot to be honest :( That was the whole “sleep aids” comment above.
      I’ve tried the melatonin, and I’ll get at best maybe 3 hours of sleep with it, which I suppose in the scheme of things IS sleep, just not a lot of it.
      The Ativan I was prescribed to also help me go back to sleep unfortunately has decided to follow the Dilaudid’s footsteps of “Let’s make her brain run a mile a minute and think about really stupid shit like crocheted sushi pillows!” and the like :P
      The Dilaudid, shuts my body down and turns the pain off but also turns my brain on like a hamster on speed. Seriously, the crocheted sushi pillow is probably one of several insane projects my brain cooked up in the middle of the night.

  2. sorry about your lack of sleep babe, I can completely relate with being unable to sleep when my brain is running a mile a minute. I’ve come to learn that unfortunately, any kind of chemical intervention, be it drugs like dipenhydramine or something like a shot of booze, even though i knock off for a while, it catches up later and suddenly BAM I’m awake. My psycho-biology professor explained this is basically neurochemicals trying to balance themselves out. If this makes sense, even though the receptors for keeping you awake are blocked, the chemicals for those receptors will keep being produced. those neurochemicals build up until the receptors are cleared, and once that happens, they flood the receptors, forcing you awake.
    The best I can do is try to relax as best as possible and just sort of accept things rather than try to fight it with chemicals or booze. I still don’t sleep but at least I’m not stressed about it the next morning (if that makes sense). Recently however, I’ve tried simple things to relax me like a nice rich drinking chocolate (not hot cocoa) or something mindnumbing to watch like porn; that way, at least i’m relaxed even though I’m awake (if that makes sense as well)

    1. TeaseMeGirl

      Hey! I’ve been wondering where you’ve been, since there’ve been hardly any signs of you online ^^ Missed talkin’ to ya!
      If I didn’t have pain, which didn’t require me to take all sorts of drugs, I would probably be able to sleep better. And unless there’s an invention where I start living inside a bubble where air pressure and the environment can be 100% regulated, I’m kind of screwed. Your explanation with the receptors and chemical production makes sense, I just wish there was a way we could keep me pain free with the ability to sleep decently. THAT would be awesome.

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