I am so wretchedly upset right now, it’s not even funny.

Today I have taken 6mg of long acting stuff this afternoon, my regular 12mg long acting doseage this evening and when that didn’t do anything after two and a half hours, I’m sitting here after having taken another 20mg of The Moose and I’m waiting for: A) Nausea B) Headache C) Pain to go away. Sadly enough, it will probably be in that order, too.

I am crossed somewhere between scared and terrified about my appointment with Fam Doc next week. This isn’t working. Taking 6mg of long acting stuff in the afternoon doesn’t accomplish anything other than make me feel tired and stupid, the pain is only barely buffered so it’s tolerable in the afternoon and I can’t even sleep any of this off. My body hurts so much that I can’t find any place comfortable to sleep or to rest.

NOTHING IS WORKING.

I have this painfully nagging feeling that not even the Cesamet is going to work next week.

I can’t keep doing this — my stomach aches constantly, my ankles fall asleep ~when~ I sleep (all the way up to the groin some nights) and I feel like I’ve been beaten with a baseball bat. Even my fingers hurt. My pain is not supposed to be this way.

Everything seems to be spiralling down into a hole that I can’t get out of.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.

(Side thought: Got a call from Rheumy II’s office. I’m officially in the books for my first appointment on Aug. 05 @ 10am)

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2 thoughts on “I am so wretchedly upset right now, it’s not even funny.

  1. This makes me feel so very helpless…I wish I could wave a magic wand and just make your pain vanish. Really…really really really. I mean, I would wish that anyways but my own pain really gives me extra sympathy/empathy when it comes to other people’s pain.
    I have no idea what you’re currently on (*kicks the moose*) but…oh I was going to list what I’ve had but I guess that would be pointless given that I don’t know what you’re on and what conflicts with what and…
    *helpless, sad face*
    In other news…a friend sent me a little care package tonight and my absolute joy about it reminded me how much yours made me smile, too, and so I started to put yours together again…I’m so sorry I never finished it. I’ve been waaaay too self-absorbed. I’m going to try and mail yours next week so that you have something to look forward to…you deserve a smile. You’re a sweetie. <3
    Take care of yourself…and if I can do anything, you have only to ask!!!
    *hugs*

    1. TeaseMeGirl

      Hiyo,
      I read your pain posting from the other day and I knew that you would pretty much know how things were going. I wish I could remember how to deal with the pain or perhaps remember how to muscle through a night without taking anything to the point where I just fall asleep exhausted.
      My current “fun drugs” are hydromorph contin + dilaudid. Basically all morphine derivatives, if I am correct — one’s long acting (h.m) and the other’s a little quicker. As far as drug interactions go.. I don’t think I have issues with that at the moment. The Cesamet will be an interesting discussion next week, but I am so upset that my stuff’s not working to keep the pain moderated that I fear nothing WILL work again.
      I’m really just very, very tired… and I wish I could sleep and be comfortable. If only for a few hours.

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