I’ve been feeling rather bitter the last few days.
Things just haven’t gone the way they’re supposed to and I feel pathetic… angry… disappointed… frustrated… and just the whole gammut of useless. I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling so that it’s understandable, but everything just feels all wrong.
People keep saying that there’s always someone out there who’s in a worse position in life than you are, apparently I’m supposed to find some brilliant life lesson to this mess and there’s supposed to be a reason as to why things suck.
Is that really supposed to make me feel better? I’m certainly not voluntarily competing in the “my life sucks more!” game. I feel like there’s no end to the misery and lately I’m having a really hard time seeing/recognizing good things going on around me.
I have this huge mass of hopelessness all tangled up in my brain and I dunno how to fix it. I’m pretty sure the rollercoaster of meds are to blame for a lot of this, which makes it all even more frustrating, I feel like I’ve missed out on so much in the last 5 years and this last month has just made me feel even more crappy about things.
I really HATE feeling lke this.
For no real reason, here’s a list of things that have cheered me in the last month or so:
* Denny’s for dindin — Lemonade + American Slam: three scrambled eggs (no cheese), two bacon, two sausage, two slices of toast and fries instead of hashbrowns with a side of mayo and lots of ketchup. For some reason, I can usually stomach this and not deal with any barfiness afterwards. I can never finish it, but I do a pretty darn good job of coming close considering most meals don’t stay put after consumption.
* Handmade sockies — gift from gf that I absolutely adore wearing right now *heart heart heart*
* Sunday drive — out of the city on a beautifully sunny day ending with lunch by the river
* Bubble bath — I actually put effort into my tub tonight by putting in a ridiculous amount of bubbles and a bath bomb
* New Cookbook — River Cottage Everyday. New cookbooks = happy
* Pasta Salad — rotini, shrimp and scallops, tossed with Pure Kraft Asiago Caesar dressing and plated on a big pile of mesclun greens.