Whoa Nelly!

…I kinda sorta made refried beans!

I mean, okay, so I used lentils instead of beans, but still…!

Beans! Fried in bacon fat! OMG!

They’re a smidgen bit too salty because of the Carne Adobo seasoning that I used for flavouring the lentils when I was frying them, but it’s nothing a piece of buttered gluten-free bread can’t fix right now with some mozzarella cheese underneath!

I didn’t have any pinto beans in the house, which I have gathered is the traditional bean to use when making a pot slow-cooked beans, so I used up what was left of this rather horrible bag of “instant lentils” I bought some time ago. I don’t know what kind of lentils they are, other than they’re kinda grey-brown and kind of UFO shaped. Even when I first bought them, they didn’t cook in a supposedly shorter amount of time, which the instructions said about 20 minutes, so I gave up on them. Yesterday I dumped the rest of the bag (about 1 cup) into my baby crockpot, rinsed them out and scooped off the weird floaties, tossed into the pot some dehydrated onion flakes, lots of granulated garlic and a good few shakes of carne adobo seasoning to the mix. Set the crock on high and left it for about 4.5 hours, basically until they were soft enough to eat straight from the pot if I wanted. Then I left the whole thing to get cold and tossed it in the fridge until this morning.

I don’t even know what prompted the whole refried beans craving to begin with, but the refried bean craving was just killing me so I had to make it to the best of my abilities with what was floating around the house. The smell of the lentils cooking was just driving me bonkers, it was so amazing.

This morning, in a small pot, I melted some cold bacon grease (uhm, yea, I actually have a tiny jam jar in my fridge that holds bacon fat) until it was all hot and spitty, added a scoopful of the beans, let it spit some more and then mashed it all with my egg masher. At that point they were seriously underseasoned, so I was lazy and just added more adobo seasoning. I got a little too liberal with the sprinkling and then it became too salty, so I added another scoopful of beans. It’s still a smidgen too salty, but the gluten free toast helps buffer it, so I am not too bothered. Plus I only made enough for 3 pieces of bread, the rest I put into a ziplock baggie and tossed into the freezer. Obviously if you don’t want to use bacon fat, you can use any oil you like, so this can easily become vegetarian, as you can imagine and probably already realize.

Yeah, in the end they’re just beans lentils, but WOW are they tasty!

Refried Lentils
1 cup lentils,water
dehydrated onions
granulated garlic
carne adobo seasoning
rendered bacon fat

Washed and pick through the lentils, removing any weird floaty bits or things that just don’t look right.
Put lentils into baby crockpot and cover with enough water to come up about 1/2way to the second joint on your index finger.
Turn crock on high, add onions, garlic and a generous few shakes of adobo seasoning.
Cook until lentils are soft and tender to your liking. Cool and refridgerate overnight or use as is.
In a small pot, melt ~1Tbsp bacon fat over medium heat until hot and sizzling.
Carefully add two small scoops of beans and mash until the beans are your preferred texture.
Taste and season as needed.
Serve over buttered toast topped with mozzarella cheese or however you like to eat refried beans.


4 thoughts on “Whoa Nelly!

  1. I Approve this recipe, as I have recently been hitting cassoulet pretty hard at a local french bistro, and found a recent posting for Cassoulet that was pretty much baked in a bacon envelope…

    1. TeaseMeGirl

      Yanno, I’ve always wanted to make cassoulet — and with The Hubbs now suddenly getting this hardon for duck on a semi-regular basis, perhaps I should take advantage of the opportunity and do it one day soon, especially considering the weather is so blurgh… only thing is duck is so freaking expensive! OMG SO EXPENSIVE!

      1. I’ve found at like chinatowns or asian districts I can pick up ducks that are pretty inexpensive when compared to Whole Paycheck or even farmers markets. Is there anything like that up there close to your hood?

      2. TeaseMeGirl

        That’s the ridiculous thing — even at the ASIAN markets, they’re $$$$$. I so should’ve picked up that whole frozen duck a couple weeks back, they were on sale for $1/lb. I am kicking myself.. the only thing that’s making it less painful is the fact that I know I have nowhere to keep a duck, I’m still full-up on bison in the deep freeze and my kitchen freezer’s filled to the brim with dumplings amongst other things. Normally they’re something like $20/25+ each. The breasts alone, for a pair, were about $15. (of which I would never do, such a waste of yummy duck fat to not get a whole carcass!)

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