The big white elephant in the room…

So, I have some stuff I wanna write about, but I don’t quite know how to start or explain it. In fact, most of this will be rather weird ramblings and thought processes just dumped as they come. Where I’m going with this is really hard to explain…

Earlier in the year J & R acquired a large quantity of wood from a neighbour that had cut down some trees on their property. J & R had more wood than they knew what to do with, let alone store, and so a cube van’s worth of wood was transported up to Canmore on Friday night after work. The Hubbs and I spent Friday night helping. Well… The Hubbs and D moved the wood back and forth from the van to the cabin and I stood around as cheerleader and lender of moral support. R also helped move stuff, which I found rather amazing, given she’s still getting used to her new body being pregnant and all.

Anyhow as everyone was moving everything back and forth, we got a chance to catch up with stuff (and gossip), random topics of conversation and interestingly scary stats like: 6 out of 10 couples trying to conceive, can’t. Given our circle of friends, this is actually a rather scary high number. At this point in time everyone who has been trying has finally been able to, which is wonderful. Though it has been a rather trying few years for everyone involved.

I don’t even know how the topic came up, but the big white elephant presented itself and everyone had a chance to talk about it. The big white elephant being: The couples with kids and the couples without — mainly us. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but at some point, there will come a time where everyone else will be on the path of having a family and The Hubbs & I will be left to be the outsiders looking in. Apparently it hasn’t just been us worrying about this either. J&R as well asD&K have been worried about how the dynamics of our circle of friends will change with the new additions to our group. It actually surprised me that everyone’s been thinking about the same thing. It’s a really hard conversation to have and I am rather glad that we got a chance to have it together before everyone becomes completely consumed by the upcoming events in only a few months’ time.

We all know that things will change, no one’s deluding themselves into thinking that it won’t, but they don’t want their new babies to become an uncomfortable burden on us. I don’t know if that’s even the proper way of wording it… it was kind of weird. I guess from D it was sort of a thing where if we decide to have an "adults-only party", then don’t be afraid to say so? Babies don’t always have to tag along for group events. Which funny enough, thinking about it just now — I wonder what will be up for our annual Pasta Night in Banff…? This is definitely going to be an interesting year for what will be up for annual traditions.

So yea, basically it boils down to our friends don’t want us to feel left out in the cold just because they’re having babies. They want us to stay in their lives, not to disappear into the ether and if possible, help them with the transition into the world of parenthood. D & I had a brief exchange about how I was worried that our friendship would sort of melt away and he wanted to make it very clear that he & K want their friendship with us to stay close. He doesn’t want us to ever feel like it’s a "Kids vs. No kids" situation. D plans on having their kid(s) grow up calling me Auntie ‘Nifer, which I found to be unbelievably hilarious and I am so incredibly touched beyond words when he told me that.

Right now R‘s still trying to get used to the idea of being pregnant. As she put it, she just feels like she’s got this uber-bloat going on that just won’t go away and not like she’s got a baby growing inside her. She’s noticed that she’s got some serious baby brain going on and her biggest worry is that even once she’s had the baby, her brain will never be what it used to. She’sworried terrified that her brain’s lost for good. She also doesn’t want to become one of those women that talk about nothing but her baby 24/7, she wants me to keep her in check with the rest of the world. I was rather surprised when she told me that I am the person she wants to turn to when she needs moral support. That is a huge responsibility that I am honoured to have and, again, hugely touched by. Everytime our friends tell us things like this it just makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. Gross mental picture, but I just can’t believe how fantastic our friends are.

I’m still rather surprised that everyone’s been thinking about what kind of effect their pregnancies would have on us while they’re going through such a spectacular event in their lives. To be honest, I would never have imagined that we would even come up as topic of conversation. They want us to be there in their lives. They don’t want us to feel left out or left behind. They want us to be there to cuddle their babies. They want to give us (well, me) silly names.

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