Amazing… decadent… fudgey… mind boggling, really!

Saturday night, after I got back from the first backyard BBQ of the season, I decided that it was time to start the Cesamet again.

Instead of doing the “smart” thing regarding how to start the new meds, I chose to do the stupid method instead. You know, start at the lowest doseage and increase it a bit a week later. Don’t go for full on “kill an elephant” dose, it will generally make you feel a lot rougher when you wake up three days later…

Here’s the problem:

The Cesamet definitely doesn’t kill the pain, but it does make it so I can choose to ignore the pain (relatively easily) for a few hours if I want to, instead of taking The Moose which is actually kinda cool. Problem is that the pain will eventually make its appearance known under no uncertain terms and at that point I’d better be damned sure I have The Moose hanging around.

And in the end, it makes me an absolute Zombie…. or sleep like the dead… a vegetable… whatever. It’s almost impossible for me to wake up after I’ve had the Cesamet. I’ve had three, relatively decent, days worth of straight sleep which is sort of nice, but weird. Biggest problems: I didn’t get up to pee too often, I couldn’t (care to) get up to eat, I was pretty dizzy/unbalanced, I couldn’t wake up at all! I also fell asleep while talking on the phone with Mom without realizing I fell asleep. Basically this boiled down to being a bit of a worrisome experiment because if I had been left completely on my own, I probably would have slept for days without waking up to eat, drink or take my meds and The Hubbs is very much not a fan of me being so broken.

So we’re back at square one again… still stuck between a rock & a hard place in regards to how we deal with my pain & my pain meds.

*sigh*

So I made raspberry jam brownies.

They were supposed to be for The Hubbs’ work snacks, but I was craving chocolate & raspberries and may have actually eaten a whole slice all by myself, still hot from the oven, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I don’t crave desserts too often, but I’m pretty sure that the Cesamet may have contributed some cravings I had over the last two nights.

This brownie recipe is wonderfully simple and it requires no butter or eggs, something I would never have imagined myself trying to make. In the world of baking, I am one of those girls happily encouraging the full use of butter, sugar, eggs and cream to make a proper tasting dessert. The thought of desserts not incorporating any of these ingredients generally confuses me, so you can imagine my delight (and relief) that this recipe worked when I pulled the brownies out from the oven.

The nifty thing about this recipe is that you can take any jam you might have lying around, mix it into the brownie batter until smooth (or as smooth as possible if your jam is dense with fruit) and doing this gives you an incredibly fudgey brownie with the most amazing fruit flavour. Not only that but if you wait just long enough for things to set up just slightly after removing from the oven, you can eat the brownies still warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream & be the happiest clam on the planet.

Jam Brownies
1 cup dark chocolate chips, divided
1 jar (250ml+) raspberry jam
1/4 cup milk
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup canola oil
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups flour
1/4 cup cocoa
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 325F
Line 9×9″ pan with parchment & set aside.
Melt 1/2 cup chocolate chips in the microwave, stirring every thirty seconds until melted. Set aside to cool.
In a large bowl with a whisk, combine the jam, milk, sugar, oil and vanilla. Stir well, until smooth(-ish).
Add the flour, cocoa, salt, baking powder and baking soda. Mix well, then add the cooled melted chocolate.
Fold in remaining chocolate chips, then spread batter out into lined pan and bake for 45 minutes.

When the time is up, the brownies will not appear to be done but take them out anyway and let them cool for 30-45 minutes…. Or just wait long enough for the sides of the cake to set up, after being cut into pieces, and serve still hot with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Side Note: These brownies were originally a Vegan recipe, adapted, but can also be GLUTEN-FREE! If you want the GF version of the recipe, check it out, here.

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