Kina sad… kina really sad.

I hate feeling like this — the heavy heart. The sorrow. The frustration. The anger. The bitterness. The despair. The shame.

Oh, the drama.

Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why must I always feel like I’ve been left behind?

The last married couple in our circle of friends is pregnant and expecting their first child this winter. The news completely blindsided me at the BBQ last weekend and my brain went numb. I was in shock and I tried to be cheerful for the rest of the evening, but I needed time to process the information alone and now, a week later, I am once again grieving in the deep, dark unhappy place in my head & my heart.

I hate this place in my head and I hate what it does to my heart.

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